9 gaps in upbringing that affect physical and spiritual health

One learns while one lives. It's not exactly a process of gaining knowledge. It is a process of interaction with the environment. In this process, we become aware of what has already passed its time.

Every "truth" has an "expiry date". There comes a time when we understand that we are already doing harm if we use the old. If we don't understand it, we turn things into dogma. This moment of understanding can be painful at times. It's good to know that what we did before was the best that could have been done.

The point is that personal and social development give us advantages. The opportunity to grab the new and following our inner feelings to do something for our children. It's a two-way process. What is new to the parents stimulates the children, and the stimulated child is a stimulus to the parents.

It is obtained if parents accept that they are the conduit of good for their children. Which good does not depend only on them, but is a multifaceted process that comes from everywhere. Then the gaps become an advantage, because anything that is realized and accepted can be developed for the better.

  1. Not enough love

Just because a person is happy does not mean that their life is easy. It usually turns out that a very easy life leads to depressions and addictions.

It is not necessary that our children are always satisfied with us, because love also has both manifestations. A child may like one thing and not like another. You understand that the child may be unhappy if you prevent him from touching a hot stove.

Either way, it will sense your intent. If you stimulate it with love and limit it with love, it will sense you without words and without explanation. If you try to impose stereotypes on it, it will protest, and these protests are not accidental. They are trying to teach us something.

A child needs boundaries to develop. From genetics itself (Human Design) comes the fact that financial success manifests itself in the presence of limitations, and we want our children to be materially successful. In fact, we want our children to be free, and this can manifest itself as material success, and all freedom is obtained by realizing and accepting limitations, which allows us to work with them in a way that is successful for us.

It is known from systems knowledge that a system can only expand if it is bounded. We still want our children to be protected and to know how to protect themselves. We teach them to be themselves, and part of that is standing up for themselves.

But all this done with love, understanding and considering each situation as different. Different types of children need different ways of upbringing and care. Some can decide quickly in the moment, while others make decisions over days, and this is correct for each of them. Some can spend a lot of time alone, while others we always see them in company. Usually the general attitude is to homogenize people and any "deviation" to want to correct it, and this can simply be an expression of the individual essence.

I shudder to think of the harm that comes from continuing to use Dr. Spock's recommendations. For example, it literally says that a one-month-old infant should give up night feeding. And if it cries, let it cry for up to 30 minutes, and if it continues to cry inconsolably (the exact word used in his book), then give it warm water, and if after that it continues to cry inconsolably for (another) 30 minutes , to feed.

It is precisely this approach that creates in the baby the belief that he is not loved, that he cannot rely on the world, that the world is an unpleasant place, and this causes in him, as he grows up, limitations to connect, limitations to allow himself nice things. This is a very common phenomenon that is a common problem in family constellations.

The other thing Dr. Spock claims is that it is normal for parents to expect their children to be "readily receptive to their principles and ideals." I give this example because it is a fairly common belief. But the days of this perception have simply passed. See the following illustration. She is an example of what actually happens.

The greatest love we can give our children is to teach them to be themselves. To follow their own ideals and principles. And from birth, they have within themselves the mechanism of how to find and express their own principles. Also to help them express themselves so that they find their best place in society.

Children owe nothing to their parents except the acknowledgment that they have received life from them. They can thank this thing by creating their own children.

  1. Treating children as if they have different capabilities than adults

When the little person is born, he immediately carries within himself all his potential, which he can develop during his life. Parents think that the baby is incomplete because it does not yet have speech and motor skills. But from birth, in its genes, it carries everything it needs in perfect form. From birth, it affects the life of the whole family, and every parent has felt it. We can let him develop his own abilities, and not make him develop those that are foreign to him.

  1. We don't give them time and opportunity to show themselves

We usually worry that children are not doing well in some area or skill. If we look honestly, we will see that somehow we have forced these fields and occupations and expect perfect results.

The best we can do is let them express themselves and allow them to express themselves in what they like and what they are passionate about. We will notice it very easily. Children know it "by birth", and they really like these activities. We can provide them with a variety of environments and activities to see which ones are theirs.

Otherwise, they will hate forced activities, and as adults they may put up with forced work and not afford the things they like.

  1. We feed them as we feed ourselves

You have seen a child fed with a spoon. Sometimes it spits out the food, and the person feeding it scoops it up with a spoon and tries to stuff it into its mouth. It continues to spit and the fight continues. Our children are different from us, which means they may like completely different foods and not like yours. It's not just a matter of love. If the child refuses this particular food, it means that it is unhealthy for him at least at this moment.

The fact that he eats uniform food, that he eats when he chooses the time, that he eats mostly in the evening, that he likes to drink a lot of water and during meals, that he gives himself days of reduced nutrition, that he likes to talk while eating and so called things that best suit his genetics may be perfectly fine for him.

A forced diet can lead to obesity, metabolic problems and malnutrition. Yes, until non-replenishing. The supposedly varied and nutritious diet we think we have provided for him may simply not match his needs.

  1. We wish them to grow up quickly and reach maturity

Growth and maturity do not depend on the amount of training, learning, classes and lessons from the parents. No matter how much we hurry and want our child to "show up", the internal changes in him cannot occur according to plan. Changes in children depend on their inner development and on how much we allow them to follow the right environment and activities for them.

We have no control over this process, and the children themselves cannot always cause desired changes in themselves in time, even if they try to achieve it. They only get traumatized if there is pressure from parents and teachers to do so.

Also, the modern man is part of an evolution, for which awareness, the development of consciousness is very important. This takes time and is why we live so long - an average life expectancy of 84 years.

Maturation processes are slower because they are more complex, reality is more complex, we develop new patterns of awareness and consciousness development.

Modern man begins to really separate from the family around the age of 29, and is fully mature much later. Influenced by stories of grandparents getting married at 15, we push our children to get married in their twenties, have a steady job, own an apartment, etc.

Children, because they are still children, get married, get stuck in unpleasant professions, suffer, divorce and accumulate limiting relationships, pessimism and diseases. Everything will come to them at the right time if we allow them to follow themselves.

  1. The delusion that children look like us or that they should look like us

I said a few words about this when we talked about love, but it's all about love.

Our children are actually genetically more like their grandparents. Our role is to raise them in the best way for them, not for us. I guarantee you that if you can do this thing and see your children independent, successful and happy, you will feel immense satisfaction. Huge satisfaction not only because of them but mostly because of you who have managed to do this thing and it will be your huge achievement in your life.

Our beliefs and principles are not worth sacrificing our children's lives for. As early as 15 years ago, I began to realize that being right doesn't matter at all. The right does not bring a better quality of life, only the suffering to defend it.

  1. The exaltation of our children

Nothing compares in potential to the correct perception of reality.

If we underestimate our children, we harm them, but we also harm them by overestimating and praising them. This is one of the first healthy lessons that we can demonstrate to them mostly by personal example. Accepting reality as it is, because that is how we live successfully in the world and express our essence in it.

  1. We consider them ours

The most common excuse for abusive treatment (in all its degrees) by a parent to a child is "well it's mine". We usually think that we can have complete control over children.

Each person experiences his life in three directions: family life, individual (spent alone) life, and collective experiences with people outside the family.

What most brings awareness, development and true spiritual experiences is individual and collective life. It is vitally important for a child to spend as much time alone as he wants and to spend as much time with friends and other people as he wants.

Needless to say, creativity usually manifests itself as a deeply personal experience, and integration into society and social manners bring more success. The main question here is that these are the ways to develop consciousness, to develop humanity, and even to improve collective security structures such as health care, social security, crime control, etc.

9. Happy parents - happy children

We have heard these words: "I was not happy, I pushed all my life, but I will do everything to make my children happy." I will do this and that. I will teach them this and that.' It can't be done this way.

We can best help by taking care of ourselves and setting an example with our personal happiness.

I usually end with "Love Yourself!"

Love Yourself, and one way to express that is by giving love to our children!

Author: Bozhidar Tsendov

Human design specialist and family constellation facilitator

Look more:

Don't expect your child to be like you - 10 commandments for parents by Janusz Korczak

The carefree parent – ​​a new approach to raising children

10 ways to educate without yelling, slapping and punishment

9 magical expressions that make it easier to raise children

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